Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Rob Drops Out of New Moon?! :(


The twilight has eclipsed.

Shocking both die-hard fanatics and cast mates alike, Brit hunk Robert Pattinson has dropped out of his Cullenary duties in New Moon and the rest of the Twilight Saga. Citing creative differences with notably outspoken director Chris Weitz, alongside consistent quarrels with fellow Twilighters on set, Pattinson has exited the series in a lurid rage.

Descending down the mountain and out of the cloudbank, Pattinson has left one of the most financially promising cinematic series without a star and a litter of lambs without a sick, masochistic lion to look after them. With a budget of well over $50 million, Summit Entertainment and New Moon overseer Chris Weitz are scrambling to replace the buzz worthy star.

Known for his pub-crawling and layman nature, Pattinson was reportedly overwhelmed by the superstardom Twilight shone upon him. Shifting from treating fans to dinner, to hiding in his car from bloodthirsty paparazzi, Pattinson's view of fame has gone from a beholden embrace to a cold shoulder.

Sources close to the star have also reported that he was deeply unnerved over the cast-to-media rumblings of his stench and poor hygiene. Always one to treat his cast as royalty, Pattinson was notably enraged over the childlike mutterings and verbal betrayal.

In a statement released to the media Wednesday morning, Pattinson's manger, Nick Frenkel, made public his intensions and discontent.

"When attacks reach a personal level, actions need to be taken. A kindred spirit with the utmost professionalism, Robert has taken the slander his cast mates have slung personally, and can no longer work with a group of actors trying to undermine his name," said Frenkel.

Already facing critique by Weitz for cropping off his messy coif into a clean crew cut, Pattinson has had to deal with a shortened leash on his take on Cullen since day one. Sick of playing a moody, love-struck and shimmery 17-year-old, Pattinson reportedly tried to level with Weitz on spicing up Cullen's sexual prowess.

In an interview with the Associated Press, Weitz basically laughed off Pattinson's pleas.

"You know that scene in the first installment where Edward says to Bella 'I like watching you when you sleep. It's fascinating to me,' and then slowly moves in before he passionately mounts her and abruptly flies away from her?" asked Weitz. "Well, Eddie came up to me in pre-production and said he wanted to take that scene to the brink of insertion with this intense, explicit desire between the two. He then proposed we further explore this in our take. I'm still laughing about it. News to Robert, this isn't Unfaithful, it's a tweenage love story."

Displeased with Weitz's refusal to evolve Edward's character, along with his belittling, disrespectful rants in the media, Pattinson's teetering nerves tipped overboard and he left his swan.

Though the future of the Twilight Saga is in question, Pattinson's inbox has been flooded with offers, one of which is rumored to be the lead in the Broadway production of Equus 2: Back in The Horse.

Regardless of what Pattinson does, the next phase of his career is going to be a ride for both the actor himself and his hoards of followers. If you're down for the journey, you better hold on tight, spider monkey.

April Fools! Article from UB Spectrum, here.


  1. hahahahahahahah not funny i believed it and i was so sad about it. then i looked at the article again today and saw the april fools part.....

  2. OMG that scared me!! dont do that again!!1


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